One line in the water at a time please!

You know, minions share odd things and stories with me all the time. I suppose most of the time it's just cuz I'm a good vent window, or that their experience may bleed over into a dose or inspire me. Most of them I get a good laugh myself and it ends there. Today I must pass one along, with my twist of course. No names to protect the not so innocent... I can't make shit this good up, I swear.

My buddy calls me up at lunch today. Says, "Jed man, I'm in deep shit..." He goes on to tell me how he'd been womanizing as usual, but this time, two of them are in the same damn sorority at Rice University. He'd been seeing one of them for a few weeks, but she'd only have him over to the "cat house" when her roomie was out. Well my man never will learn. He's out at Armadillo Palace with woman #2 last night. This one is obviously his backup plan, cuz woman #1 texts and says her roomie went out, come over. He makes an excuse to leave the bar, "See you later" and they part ways. He goes home for a few and heads to the cat house. Texts woman #1, "I'm on my way", she replies, "Well my roomie came back, so come up and get me, and we will go out or something." This is where it all hits the fan. My boy has no idea these two are in the same sorority. He gets up to woman #1's room, and guess who the roomie is... You got it! Woman #2! Once woman #2 spots him in the doorway she says, "What you do, stalk me home?" Now woman #1 wants to know how they know eachother. My buddy BOLTS! Problem is, they both know where he lives, and he owns the house... Not like he can pack and move... So he sleeps in his truck somewhere last night. Goes home this mornin' and his front door, mailbox, and the word "SLUT" written real big across the garage door all painted in hot fackin' pink! Serves him bout right, but this isn't in the ghetto. Oh no, he lives in Deer Park, aka high society Houston... Love you bud, but you sir are dumber than a box of rocks...

Someone is twisting my own web, and it brought on a most interesting topic

I was talking with a new referral, minion #436, about today's rant, which was her first Dose ever. I've no idea who she is or who referred her to our, no longer little, cult. Just that she has a local area code and her code name is "Lucky".

My day is moderately slow, so I curiously continue conversation with "Lucky". I've so far concluded that either it is a woman one of you local match makers gave my number to, or one of my buddies idea of cruel and unusual punishment, and it's a guy one of you work with, or worst case it's a trap...

Either way, this conversation has gone far beyond the normal complete stranger questions like, "Where do you come up with this shit?" and "Wow, what's wrong with you?"... Lucky asks me, "What one word best describes you and/or your charater as a whole?"

After hours of "WTF?s" and careful thought, I decide to respond. "Intense". Nothing more, nothing less, just that word. Must have thrown her/him/it for a loop, cuz that was before 2pm, and it's now 4:15pm.

The question itself got me to thinkin' though, and you know what happens when that goes down...

I can put the word "intense" in every self-aware sentence I can write about me, and it not only be true, but it properly describes me in better detail than without it. I've spent a vast majority of my afternoon trying to come up with another word that can do that, and have come up empty.

I mean, there are only so many things that anyone knows about themself with absolute certainty. Makes me wonder, if anyone else has "that one word" figured out? How many people do I have to share my word with? Does the fact that I always find myself intensely thinkin' over every subject, topic, choice, move, and decision I ever make only make me think this is my word? Am I wrong about my word? Will this novel haunt not only my dreams, but the dreams of those souls that have made it this far without having a nuclear explosion of the brain?

Do you have that one word? Did you enjoy this, or are you searching for a handgun to put me or yourself outta your misery? Leave me a comment

Could you please pass me a life?

A small number of Daily Dose members are folks I've never met, talked to, and few have ever chimed in on a topic. Well today I got a seemingly odd message from a nearly year old member, one of these "referrals" if you will, telling me, "You need a life, or you should shoot yourself. Anyone with nothing better to do than write usless, meaningless texts to hundreds of people everyday has to be the most pathetic human on earth. Take me off your list."

So I sent Becca, the friend of mine that referred this muthafucka, a message asking "WTF?" She says, "Hell, we worked together back then and he thought you were funny then. I don't know him aside from that, but I have his email and his mailing address."

Ooo let the games begin. I haven't quite decided what I'm gonna mail him, but it's gonna be good. If UPS was even remotely reliable, it would be a pipe-bomb on a timer...but they're as bad as Obamanomic. So I will have to get creative. Wish it was his work address. Government job that scans your mail. Big suprise that this fucker just received a can of compressed air, 3 feet of 1" surgical tubing, Astroglide, and three hampsters! (You'll need a shower after you figure that out)

I'll keep you posted as to what I come up with, and now that I've posted this, it's gonna happen.