POV #1: The Yellow Mouth

You've met this person, at least once. You may still associate with one or more of them, and for that you are more kind than I could ever be.

Yes, I made up a term for them, and yes, it's seemingly obvious, but:

Yellow mouth by my definition: a person who's mouth is constantly writing checks their ass can't cash; one whom from over the internet, phone, text, etc is ten foot tall and bulletproof, but face up they couldn't be more gutless, shady, two-faced, or backstabbing; a label for a person that will shake your hand, hug you, and call you "friend", and yet the grapevipe whispers you a different story.

Many folks often confuse this person with the "Drama Queen/King" types, but they are not the same. Drama lovers typically have "Coward" or "Harmless" stamped on their forehead, as to not be in danger of someone handing them their ass on a silver platter should they ever take it too far... The yellow mouth has truly ill/cruel intentions, and they are much harder to spot/catch. Scum of the Earth is the person that will turn the knife they've placed in your back to ensure the bleeding continues long after they are gone. They are a disease that can and will infect your entire social circle if not treated.

Treatment options:

A. Public humiliation among your collective peers. Call them out, face up around a vast majority of your friends.

Expected reaction: Have you ever force fed someone crow? If they won't eat it to mend the wounds they've inflicted, they will tuck tail and run away. Either way, you and yours are cured.

B. The promise and follow thru of physical and mental pain, if they do not right their wrongs.

Expected reaction: This method is particularly painful either way, because, rather than one single serving of crow, they most likely now have several people to go to with the truth. Remembering they're yellow, don't count on ever seeing them again should they choose to tuck tail from this treatment. I know you wanted to trounce them, but oh well, you're cured of them.

C. Last, but certainly not least... The stratigicly placed pipebomb! If you're certain you and yours are better off without this person, and have no intention of trying to change them, blow the fucker up... Whether it be literal or proverbial, I leave to you.

Expected reaction:
Proverbial: You make a mess of them by blowing up on them verbially and/or physically, and they will remove themself from the group. Cured!
Literal: BOOM!

Know where you stand?

To be self-aware is quite liberating really. I've come to know that my belief system, or stances, scare the pants off most people. The woman I had coffee with this mornin', a complete stranger, walked speedily outta Starbucks in just her skibbies, after only a brief visit. So, unless there is great protest from my membership, I think I'll do a series this week - "EyeReckn's POV" I'll take suggestions on what real to life topics to touch on, and get to as many as I can during our shortened workweek.

If I lead, will you follow?

Howdy minions, readers, followers, and lurkers!

Do me a huge favor... If you're stopping by on a regular basis for your dose, become a follower, please! I'd like to know who my addicts are and see who's minds I'm twisting here, rather than just a hit count.

It only takes a minute. Go to the top of the blog page and click "Follow Blog". Simple sign in process that would just make my day!

Thanks,

EyeReckn

Best on Blogspot - Humour

http://bestonblogspot.blogspot.com/search/label/Humour

Attention minions and Daily Dose faithful:
I'm a rather late entry, but "EyeReckn's Daily Dose" is up for Best on Blogspot August/September!!!

So, go check out my competition's blogs, esp Yellowdog Granny (Jackie is a faithful follower of the Dose) and vote!

I'm not gonna tell ya I'm the best, or even the funniest of the lot, but if I don't get least 3rd place (all of 6 votes would take it right now), may you all get one hell of a case of crotch critterz...

More like "Lack of Labor Day"...

Anyone else think this coming Monday's title is somewhat misleading? Not sure bout you, but I have the day off. Hence "Lack of Labor Day"... Wouldn't matter if I wanted to say, do a little labor around the house to make the title credible... Whatever I need is prolly located in a place that ain't fuckin' open! Oh well, I'll let the name slide for sake of a three day bender and dove huntin', or whatever you do with it. Have a great weekend!

Down for the count...

Howdy minions! Miss me? Yeah I missed me too. "They" thought I needed a break and decided to give me 2.5 days of rest via high fever and sinus infection... Anywho, since I'll be slamming 3.5 days of clinic into one day, I'm not sure y'all will be getting a real Dose. We shall see. Mother Nature is whoopin' our ass in Cen-Tex, and the typical elderly don't do rain. So, my day my clear itself!

The drunk dial

Mine: Exactly how many Jack & Cokes does it take to propostion a perfect stranger from 110miles away?

It's bout 2:30am this last Sunday, I'm driving home from a day trip to a concert. When my cellphone rings at this time of nite, it's either someone in the hospital, the jail, or it's the infamous drunk dial. Caller ID says it's my friend Erica, the Daily Dose's unofficial secretary, only it's not Erica on the phone. It's her friend Victoria, a perfect stranger. Now Victoria has a problem, and Erica has evidently told her I could cure her and to give me a call. Victoria needs to get laid...and I can understand the problem, but why by the guy that lives nearly two hours away, I've not a clue. Do yourself a favor. Never try to explain to a drunken stranger exactly how far away you are from her you are when that's what they want from you...it just doesn't register. They will say things like, "Can I just talk to you til you get here?" or "Can you track this phone, cuz I'm no good with directions?" So I try to just hang up on her. You know, bad service, "$!#$% I can't hear you #$%#" and hang up. She calls back and calls me out on hanging up on her... Well sumbitch!... I entertain her for a few more minutes, tell her to call me back in 30-45mins and I'll tell her how close I am, and that was that... From the condition Victoria was in, not to mention Erica hollerin' in the background, they were out cold shortly after I got off the phone.

Mel: Is that me?

I'd been out drinkin' like a fish one night. Next mornin', I'm sitting around the breakfast table with Steve, who keeps playing back a voicemail he'd received the night before. I couldn't make out what the girl was saying, but it was loud! I asked him who left it. Apparently it was me from the night before calling him from like 5 feet away, asking where he'd run off too...

Erica: This is no request Mr. DJ!

Last weekend, I evidently called into the request line to The Ranch radio station, and made plans with the night DJ to run off to Mexico. He put our conversation on the radio! I'm f'in famous!

Shannon: "I don't even know this man!"

Got a latenight call from an ex at a bar. He wanted me to come up there and talk. He really missed me, blah blah blah... I told him, "No", but now I have Jim, the bar owner/manager, on the phone asking if I'm coming to pay this guy's remaining tab. "Hell no. I don't even know this man..." lol

Dean: "My emergency? I just want to change my service plan"

I once called 911 rather than 611 while hammered. Don't recall what I needed from AT&T, but it damn sure was no emergency...

Amanda: "Hunny, have you seen my...."

I got a 2fer!!! So after a good night of drinking which included my friends showing lots of boob and ass (it was her birthday) I somehow lost my phone. The next morning after waking up naked on the bathroom floor and having no idea where my clothes were I asked my very unhappy husband if he had seen them, "oh! And my phone too?" He replied no I don't know where ur phone is but I'm sure it's with ur missing jeans u left in last night. I called and checked my voicemail and could hear hysteical laughing between me and my friends. Apparently my phone was under the seat of my car the whole time and recorded a whole message of laughing, slurred conversation & cussing trying to find my phone. So once I found that, I asked my husband why he was so mad. It's not like he hadn't come home rip roaring drunk and peed in my underwear drawer before. I just lost my clothes! He then explained that he had received a call from a very intoxicated me the night before telling him I lost my phone. When he asked who's phone I was using, I replied, " I don't know! Some dudes!" I don't get to come out of my cage very often anymore...lol