The question is:
If you were to label a pipebomb with a single thought or phrase for the "victim", what would it say?
"I hope this finds you busy with your life, or at least interrupts something terribly important. I would hate to think I went to all this trouble to simply blow your mind..." - Jed
"See you in Hell bitch!"- Cameron
"If you hold this to your ear, you can hear the good part" - Laney
"Bet you can't re-gift this" - Alan
"Warning - Contents may be HOT!" - Shannon
"Shit your pants - NOW!" - Becky
"This is me being a psycho bitch" - Mandy
"Warning - Bloating may occur" - Fletcher
"Pansy ass mommas boy" - Deitra
"You should've been a better person asshole" - Dean
"Shove this up your ass sideways" - CJ
"No need to thank me. This is a great gift for us both. It will put you outta our misery" - David
"If you hurry, you can get just far nuff away to bleed out slowly, rather than just the big boom" - Nate
"Boom" - Heather
"I'm really doing you a favor here" - Chris
"Could you mail this back when you are done?" - Kirk
"The ultimate painkiller" - Robin
"Just think, somewhere there will be a waterhead that goes, 'Look at the pretty lights" - Nick
"Running will just have you die tired" - Clint
"We drew straws for who got this, remember?" - Ben
"I won't expect this back, just like the rest of my shit you have" - Kim
"Start clickin' your heels. There's no place like home" - Hanna
"There's no beer in Hell" - Brad
"Muah! Kiss your ass goodbye... Sincerely, Erica" - Erica
"Told you I'd show you crazy muthafucka" - Crystal
Showing posts with label Minion opinion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Minion opinion. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
The drunk dial
Mine: Exactly how many Jack & Cokes does it take to propostion a perfect stranger from 110miles away?
It's bout 2:30am this last Sunday, I'm driving home from a day trip to a concert. When my cellphone rings at this time of nite, it's either someone in the hospital, the jail, or it's the infamous drunk dial. Caller ID says it's my friend Erica, the Daily Dose's unofficial secretary, only it's not Erica on the phone. It's her friend Victoria, a perfect stranger. Now Victoria has a problem, and Erica has evidently told her I could cure her and to give me a call. Victoria needs to get laid...and I can understand the problem, but why by the guy that lives nearly two hours away, I've not a clue. Do yourself a favor. Never try to explain to a drunken stranger exactly how far away you are from her you are when that's what they want from you...it just doesn't register. They will say things like, "Can I just talk to you til you get here?" or "Can you track this phone, cuz I'm no good with directions?" So I try to just hang up on her. You know, bad service, "$!#$% I can't hear you #$%#" and hang up. She calls back and calls me out on hanging up on her... Well sumbitch!... I entertain her for a few more minutes, tell her to call me back in 30-45mins and I'll tell her how close I am, and that was that... From the condition Victoria was in, not to mention Erica hollerin' in the background, they were out cold shortly after I got off the phone.
Mel: Is that me?
I'd been out drinkin' like a fish one night. Next mornin', I'm sitting around the breakfast table with Steve, who keeps playing back a voicemail he'd received the night before. I couldn't make out what the girl was saying, but it was loud! I asked him who left it. Apparently it was me from the night before calling him from like 5 feet away, asking where he'd run off too...
Erica: This is no request Mr. DJ!
Last weekend, I evidently called into the request line to The Ranch radio station, and made plans with the night DJ to run off to Mexico. He put our conversation on the radio! I'm f'in famous!
Shannon: "I don't even know this man!"
Got a latenight call from an ex at a bar. He wanted me to come up there and talk. He really missed me, blah blah blah... I told him, "No", but now I have Jim, the bar owner/manager, on the phone asking if I'm coming to pay this guy's remaining tab. "Hell no. I don't even know this man..." lol
Dean: "My emergency? I just want to change my service plan"
I once called 911 rather than 611 while hammered. Don't recall what I needed from AT&T, but it damn sure was no emergency...
Amanda: "Hunny, have you seen my...."
I got a 2fer!!! So after a good night of drinking which included my friends showing lots of boob and ass (it was her birthday) I somehow lost my phone. The next morning after waking up naked on the bathroom floor and having no idea where my clothes were I asked my very unhappy husband if he had seen them, "oh! And my phone too?" He replied no I don't know where ur phone is but I'm sure it's with ur missing jeans u left in last night. I called and checked my voicemail and could hear hysteical laughing between me and my friends. Apparently my phone was under the seat of my car the whole time and recorded a whole message of laughing, slurred conversation & cussing trying to find my phone. So once I found that, I asked my husband why he was so mad. It's not like he hadn't come home rip roaring drunk and peed in my underwear drawer before. I just lost my clothes! He then explained that he had received a call from a very intoxicated me the night before telling him I lost my phone. When he asked who's phone I was using, I replied, " I don't know! Some dudes!" I don't get to come out of my cage very often anymore...lol
It's bout 2:30am this last Sunday, I'm driving home from a day trip to a concert. When my cellphone rings at this time of nite, it's either someone in the hospital, the jail, or it's the infamous drunk dial. Caller ID says it's my friend Erica, the Daily Dose's unofficial secretary, only it's not Erica on the phone. It's her friend Victoria, a perfect stranger. Now Victoria has a problem, and Erica has evidently told her I could cure her and to give me a call. Victoria needs to get laid...and I can understand the problem, but why by the guy that lives nearly two hours away, I've not a clue. Do yourself a favor. Never try to explain to a drunken stranger exactly how far away you are from her you are when that's what they want from you...it just doesn't register. They will say things like, "Can I just talk to you til you get here?" or "Can you track this phone, cuz I'm no good with directions?" So I try to just hang up on her. You know, bad service, "$!#$% I can't hear you #$%#" and hang up. She calls back and calls me out on hanging up on her... Well sumbitch!... I entertain her for a few more minutes, tell her to call me back in 30-45mins and I'll tell her how close I am, and that was that... From the condition Victoria was in, not to mention Erica hollerin' in the background, they were out cold shortly after I got off the phone.
Mel: Is that me?
I'd been out drinkin' like a fish one night. Next mornin', I'm sitting around the breakfast table with Steve, who keeps playing back a voicemail he'd received the night before. I couldn't make out what the girl was saying, but it was loud! I asked him who left it. Apparently it was me from the night before calling him from like 5 feet away, asking where he'd run off too...
Erica: This is no request Mr. DJ!
Last weekend, I evidently called into the request line to The Ranch radio station, and made plans with the night DJ to run off to Mexico. He put our conversation on the radio! I'm f'in famous!
Shannon: "I don't even know this man!"
Got a latenight call from an ex at a bar. He wanted me to come up there and talk. He really missed me, blah blah blah... I told him, "No", but now I have Jim, the bar owner/manager, on the phone asking if I'm coming to pay this guy's remaining tab. "Hell no. I don't even know this man..." lol
Dean: "My emergency? I just want to change my service plan"
I once called 911 rather than 611 while hammered. Don't recall what I needed from AT&T, but it damn sure was no emergency...
Amanda: "Hunny, have you seen my...."
I got a 2fer!!! So after a good night of drinking which included my friends showing lots of boob and ass (it was her birthday) I somehow lost my phone. The next morning after waking up naked on the bathroom floor and having no idea where my clothes were I asked my very unhappy husband if he had seen them, "oh! And my phone too?" He replied no I don't know where ur phone is but I'm sure it's with ur missing jeans u left in last night. I called and checked my voicemail and could hear hysteical laughing between me and my friends. Apparently my phone was under the seat of my car the whole time and recorded a whole message of laughing, slurred conversation & cussing trying to find my phone. So once I found that, I asked my husband why he was so mad. It's not like he hadn't come home rip roaring drunk and peed in my underwear drawer before. I just lost my clothes! He then explained that he had received a call from a very intoxicated me the night before telling him I lost my phone. When he asked who's phone I was using, I replied, " I don't know! Some dudes!" I don't get to come out of my cage very often anymore...lol
Thursday, August 27, 2009
The painfully obvious funny list
We haven't had much interactive Dose as of late, but my schedule is light and I'm feeling the funny today.
You know those in your face dirty, ironic, shorts that make you laugh til it hurts funny things that we all know? Well let's get a few favorites out to share. I'll post them all this afternoon.
I kick us off with:
Kermit the frog could not be Jewish, and if so, he's going to hell for eating Ms Piggy. ~Jed
Looks like no one else wanted to play along today...
You know those in your face dirty, ironic, shorts that make you laugh til it hurts funny things that we all know? Well let's get a few favorites out to share. I'll post them all this afternoon.
I kick us off with:
Kermit the frog could not be Jewish, and if so, he's going to hell for eating Ms Piggy. ~Jed
Looks like no one else wanted to play along today...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Why "Going Postal"?(Minion opinion Top 5)
So I was thinkin', imagine that. Why must it be "goin' postal" when someone loses it at work? There are way worse jobs out there... So tell me, what job is most likely to send someone into an assault rifle rage at work and why.
Since this is a first for the blog readers, here's how this works:
Minions that receive The Dose via text submit answers or ideas related to the topic. I then pick out the best, or more so the best of the worst, and make a short list of five good ones for everyone to read. Interactive mind twisting if you will. I seldom leave an entry alone. Nearly always add my little piece to it. Some minions take credit for what they submit, some want to remain nameless, but it's a great way to get everyone involved!
5. School bus driver: Yeah, yeah... Everyone says, "Oh I just love children!" Sure... Just wait til you are DRIVING 30-50 5-16 year old little sumbitches for pennies. You wouldn't do the kid, but the bus bully's mother is getting run over curbside when she is waiting on her little angel! - Andy
4. With in-house family: This will piss you off regardless of position. Everyday you're gonna wake up to your boss, your secretary, your assistant, your partner, your pee-on, or your co-worker. Then work a full day with them and maybe even carpool to and from the job. Fights at work, fights at home spill over into the dinner table, and next thing you know, you are pistol whippin' your loved one in their sleep! - Crystal
3. Telemarketer: Your job consists of ruining the family dinner, interrupting international calls that are costing $4.00 a minute, and generally pissing off anyone that dares to answer their calls without screening them. Then you get the bored guy. Keeps you on the phone with detail questions for hours, just to tell you to go to hell. Now, you've smash your monitor over the head of the person in the next cubical and are beating your boss with a keyboard followed by a mouse cord strangling! - Several minds mixed together with the same type job.
2. Nurse/Medical staff: From the time you get there, til the time you leave, you're metaphorically and literally shit on. Nothing is good nuff for the patients, doctors, or other staff. You've had your fill... Give yourself an adrenaline shot strong nuff to bring Elvis and Tupac back and rush the ER floor wielding a scalpel in one hand, and the fire ax in the other! - Amber and a host of others that know this to be true
1. Highway construction flagman: You are the most hated human being on the face of the Earth for thousands of people everyday. Honking, screaming, and yelling by everyone who just had to call the boss with yet another lame excuse for being late. The foreman that put you in that position is about to test his flight capablities off the upper most level of this mix-master you WERE building! - To remain unknown
Little side note from a ballzy friend: "It's not the job alone that does it... I would bet there is a woman somehow involved" - Not a chance in hell I'll tell you who said that, cuz he wouldn't last the night
Since this is a first for the blog readers, here's how this works:
Minions that receive The Dose via text submit answers or ideas related to the topic. I then pick out the best, or more so the best of the worst, and make a short list of five good ones for everyone to read. Interactive mind twisting if you will. I seldom leave an entry alone. Nearly always add my little piece to it. Some minions take credit for what they submit, some want to remain nameless, but it's a great way to get everyone involved!
5. School bus driver: Yeah, yeah... Everyone says, "Oh I just love children!" Sure... Just wait til you are DRIVING 30-50 5-16 year old little sumbitches for pennies. You wouldn't do the kid, but the bus bully's mother is getting run over curbside when she is waiting on her little angel! - Andy
4. With in-house family: This will piss you off regardless of position. Everyday you're gonna wake up to your boss, your secretary, your assistant, your partner, your pee-on, or your co-worker. Then work a full day with them and maybe even carpool to and from the job. Fights at work, fights at home spill over into the dinner table, and next thing you know, you are pistol whippin' your loved one in their sleep! - Crystal
3. Telemarketer: Your job consists of ruining the family dinner, interrupting international calls that are costing $4.00 a minute, and generally pissing off anyone that dares to answer their calls without screening them. Then you get the bored guy. Keeps you on the phone with detail questions for hours, just to tell you to go to hell. Now, you've smash your monitor over the head of the person in the next cubical and are beating your boss with a keyboard followed by a mouse cord strangling! - Several minds mixed together with the same type job.
2. Nurse/Medical staff: From the time you get there, til the time you leave, you're metaphorically and literally shit on. Nothing is good nuff for the patients, doctors, or other staff. You've had your fill... Give yourself an adrenaline shot strong nuff to bring Elvis and Tupac back and rush the ER floor wielding a scalpel in one hand, and the fire ax in the other! - Amber and a host of others that know this to be true
1. Highway construction flagman: You are the most hated human being on the face of the Earth for thousands of people everyday. Honking, screaming, and yelling by everyone who just had to call the boss with yet another lame excuse for being late. The foreman that put you in that position is about to test his flight capablities off the upper most level of this mix-master you WERE building! - To remain unknown
Little side note from a ballzy friend: "It's not the job alone that does it... I would bet there is a woman somehow involved" - Not a chance in hell I'll tell you who said that, cuz he wouldn't last the night
Friday, August 7, 2009
Gimme food for thought they say!
After my insightful look into the world of relationship woohoos and woohs yesterday, I got prolly the largest number of responses ever in our 2 year history. Most felt somehow enlightened or more entertained than usual.
My closest friend, who doesn't often chime in, says to me, "That's the kinda stuff your dose needs to get back to, like it started." I got a lot of replies like that one.
It brings to question, "What do my minions want outta their dose?" I'm not feeding y'all canned answers. No A, B, C, or Ds this time. Just tell me what you prefer.
It's always going to be random, and it's always going to be laughable, but I don't mind investing a little extra brain power to make it more than just a laugh more often than not if that's what y'all want.
My closest friend, who doesn't often chime in, says to me, "That's the kinda stuff your dose needs to get back to, like it started." I got a lot of replies like that one.
It brings to question, "What do my minions want outta their dose?" I'm not feeding y'all canned answers. No A, B, C, or Ds this time. Just tell me what you prefer.
It's always going to be random, and it's always going to be laughable, but I don't mind investing a little extra brain power to make it more than just a laugh more often than not if that's what y'all want.
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