The drunk dial

Mine: Exactly how many Jack & Cokes does it take to propostion a perfect stranger from 110miles away?

It's bout 2:30am this last Sunday, I'm driving home from a day trip to a concert. When my cellphone rings at this time of nite, it's either someone in the hospital, the jail, or it's the infamous drunk dial. Caller ID says it's my friend Erica, the Daily Dose's unofficial secretary, only it's not Erica on the phone. It's her friend Victoria, a perfect stranger. Now Victoria has a problem, and Erica has evidently told her I could cure her and to give me a call. Victoria needs to get laid...and I can understand the problem, but why by the guy that lives nearly two hours away, I've not a clue. Do yourself a favor. Never try to explain to a drunken stranger exactly how far away you are from her you are when that's what they want from you...it just doesn't register. They will say things like, "Can I just talk to you til you get here?" or "Can you track this phone, cuz I'm no good with directions?" So I try to just hang up on her. You know, bad service, "$!#$% I can't hear you #$%#" and hang up. She calls back and calls me out on hanging up on her... Well sumbitch!... I entertain her for a few more minutes, tell her to call me back in 30-45mins and I'll tell her how close I am, and that was that... From the condition Victoria was in, not to mention Erica hollerin' in the background, they were out cold shortly after I got off the phone.

Mel: Is that me?

I'd been out drinkin' like a fish one night. Next mornin', I'm sitting around the breakfast table with Steve, who keeps playing back a voicemail he'd received the night before. I couldn't make out what the girl was saying, but it was loud! I asked him who left it. Apparently it was me from the night before calling him from like 5 feet away, asking where he'd run off too...

Erica: This is no request Mr. DJ!

Last weekend, I evidently called into the request line to The Ranch radio station, and made plans with the night DJ to run off to Mexico. He put our conversation on the radio! I'm f'in famous!

Shannon: "I don't even know this man!"

Got a latenight call from an ex at a bar. He wanted me to come up there and talk. He really missed me, blah blah blah... I told him, "No", but now I have Jim, the bar owner/manager, on the phone asking if I'm coming to pay this guy's remaining tab. "Hell no. I don't even know this man..." lol

Dean: "My emergency? I just want to change my service plan"

I once called 911 rather than 611 while hammered. Don't recall what I needed from AT&T, but it damn sure was no emergency...

Amanda: "Hunny, have you seen my...."

I got a 2fer!!! So after a good night of drinking which included my friends showing lots of boob and ass (it was her birthday) I somehow lost my phone. The next morning after waking up naked on the bathroom floor and having no idea where my clothes were I asked my very unhappy husband if he had seen them, "oh! And my phone too?" He replied no I don't know where ur phone is but I'm sure it's with ur missing jeans u left in last night. I called and checked my voicemail and could hear hysteical laughing between me and my friends. Apparently my phone was under the seat of my car the whole time and recorded a whole message of laughing, slurred conversation & cussing trying to find my phone. So once I found that, I asked my husband why he was so mad. It's not like he hadn't come home rip roaring drunk and peed in my underwear drawer before. I just lost my clothes! He then explained that he had received a call from a very intoxicated me the night before telling him I lost my phone. When he asked who's phone I was using, I replied, " I don't know! Some dudes!" I don't get to come out of my cage very often anymore...lol