Irony of the idea of "gun control"

Now, I didn't write this, but I found it to be worth stealing:

Banning guns works, which is why New York, DC, and Chicago cops need guns.

Washington DC's low murder rate of 80.6 per 100,000 is due to strict gun control, and Arlington, VA's high murder rate of 1.6 per 100,000 is due to the lack of gun control.

Statistics showing high murder rates justify gun control but statistics showing increasing murder rates after gun control are "just statistics."

The Brady Bill and the Assault Weapons Ban, both of which went into effect in 1994, are responsible for the decrease in violent crime rates, which have been declining since 1991.

We must get rid of guns because a deranged lunatic may go on a shooting spree at any time and anyone who would own a gun out of fear of such a lunatic is paranoid.

The more helpless you are the safer you are from criminals.

An intruder will be incapacitated by tear gas or oven spray, but if shot with a .357 Magnum will get angry and kill you.

A woman raped and strangled is morally superior to a woman with a smoking gun and a dead rapist at her feet.

When confronted by violent criminals, you should "put up no defense — give them what they want, or run" (Handgun Control Inc. Chairman Pete Shields, Guns Don't Die - People Do, 1981, p. 125).

The New England Journal of Medicine is filled with expert advice about guns; just like Guns and Ammo has some excellent treatises on heart surgery.

One should consult an automotive engineer for safer seatbelts, a civil engineer for a better bridge, a surgeon for spinal paralysis, a computer programmer for Y2K problems, and Sarah Brady [or Sheena Duncan, Adele Kirsten, Peter Storey, etc.] for firearms expertise.

The 2nd Amendment, ratified in 1791, refers to the National Guard, which was created by an act of Congress in 1903.

The National Guard, funded by the federal government, occupying property leased to the federal government, using weapons owned by the federal government, punishing trespassers under federal law, is a state militia.

These phrases," right of the people peaceably to assemble," "right of the people to be secure in their homes," "enumeration's herein of certain rights shall not be construed to disparage others retained by the people," and "The powers not delegated herein are reserved to the states respectively, and to the people," all refer to individuals, but "the right of the people to keep and bear arms" refers to the state.

We don't need guns against an oppressive government, because the Constitution has internal safeguards, but we should ban and seize all guns, thereby violating the 2nd, 4th, and 5th amendments to that Constitution.

Rifles and handguns aren't necessary to national defense, which is why the army has millions of them.

Private citizens shouldn't have handguns, because they serve no military purpose, and private citizens shouldn't have "assault rifles," because they are military weapons.

The ready availability of guns today, with waiting periods, background checks, fingerprinting, government forms, et cetera, is responsible for recent school shootings,compared to the lack of school shootings in the 40's, 50's and 60's, which resulted from the availability of guns at hardware stores, surplus stores, gas stations, variety stores, mail order, et cetera.

The NRA's attempt to run a "don't touch" campaign about kids handling guns is propaganda, and the anti-gun lobby's attempt to run a "don't touch" campaign is responsible social activity.
Guns are so complex that special training is necessary to use them properly, and so simple to use that they make murder easy.

A handgun, with up to 4 controls, is far too complex for the typical adult to learn to use, as opposed to an automobile that only has 20.

Women are just as intelligent and capable as men but a woman with a gun is "an accident waiting to happen" and gun makers' advertisements aimed at women are "preying on their fears."

Ordinary people in the presence of guns turn into slaughtering butchers but revert to normal when the weapon is removed.

Guns cause violence, which is why there are so many mass killings at gun shows.
A majority of the population supports gun control, just like a majority of the population supported owning slaves.

A self-loading small arm can legitimately be considered to be a "weapon of mass destruction" or an "assault weapon."

Most people can't be trusted, so we should have laws against guns, which most people will abide by because they can be trusted.

The right of online pornographers to exist cannot be questioned because it is constitutionally protected by the Bill of Rights, but the use of handguns for self defense is not really protected by the Bill of Rights.

Free speech entitles one to own newspapers, transmitters, computers, and typewriters, but self-defense only justifies bare hands.

The ACLU is good because it uncompromisingly defends certain parts of the Constitution, and the NRA is bad, because it defends other parts of the Constitution.

Charlton Heston as president of the NRA is a shill who should be ignored, but Michael Douglas as a representative of Handgun Control, Inc. is an ambassador for peace who is entitled to an audience at the UN arms control summit.

Police operate with backup within groups, which is why they need larger capacity pistol magazines than do "civilians" who must face criminals alone and therefore need less ammunition.
We should ban "Saturday Night Specials" and other inexpensive guns because it's not fair that poor people have access to guns too.

Police officers, who qualify with their duty weapons once or twice a year, have some special Jedi-like mastery over handguns that private citizens can never hope to obtain.

Private citizens don't need a gun for self-protection because the police are there to protect them even though the Supreme Court says the police are not responsible for their protection.

Citizens don't need to carry a gun for personal protection but police chiefs, who are desk-bound administrators who work in a building filled with cops, need a gun.

"Assault weapons" have no purpose other than to kill large numbers of people, which is why the police need them but "civilians" do not.

When Microsoft pressures its distributors to give Microsoft preferential promotion, that's bad; but when the Federal government pressures cities to buy guns only from Smith & Wesson, that's good.

Trigger locks do not interfere with the ability to use a gun for defensive purposes, which is why you see police officers with one on their duty weapon.

When Handgun Control, Inc., says they want to "keep guns out of the wrong hands," they don't mean you. Really.

A painful reminder...

Good Lawd, did I ever cut loose Saturday! Then I had reality bitchslap me yesterday. Drinkin' games and power partyin' are for spry youngins, which I haven't fell in that category in a long while. Mental clouds are still looming today, and I'm still trying to figger out why that was ever "fun"...

Coffee Terrorist - Memory lapse...

I needed brain fuel this mornin', so I stopped by to see Talib. I enjoy taunting him a little too much, maybe. Well he fought back today via my own stupidity.

I head back to the cooler for a Monster Java and said, "How's the coffee Talib?" "Ooh, very good n fresh sir." So, I put the can back and went for the hot stuff. I'll be damned if it wasn't the worst in our long history... The hell was I thinkin? I know he's just been waiting for me to slip. Perfecting his deadly recipe in hope I would return. I may actually die from the one or two drinks I choked down. Goodbye cruel world...

Dose Shirts are in!

Wow! These turned out great! iPhone camera is not the best. They are loud mustard yellow on black, just like we wanted. Those that ordered shirts locally, I will be happy to deliver them or you can come to me. Those that are distant, I will have them in the mail shortly after the 1st of October.

I like to give credit, when credit is due. The folks at GandyInk did a fantastic job! From help with the artwork, to speedy turn around, and incredible customer service and response, Sarah Burnett and the rest of the team at GandyInk cannot be beat. Not even with a big damn stick... So the next time you need anything embroidered or printed, be sure to keep my friends at www.gandyink.com in mind.

And the EWP Award goes to...

Former President Jimmy Carter

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy... Your opinions and politics sucked during your term, sir. What makes you think the American people give two shits what you think now? Especially since your outrageous claim that racism is at the heart of the vast disapproval of current political movements and controversy has as much backbone as a crawfish. Myself, I'd just assume toss you and your political propaganda into boiling water with taters and corn. Look buddy. I don't pretend or claim to be completely color blind, socially unbias, or even open minded to a whole lot of cultural diversity. In fact, I can be as prejudice as can anyone in some instances. Here is the problem with what you've said. Myself and a large number of my fellow Americans disapprove of so much more than President Obama's black half. Looks to me that there's an awful lot of old, all white congressmen and women causing me just as much pain. Truth is, President Obama, for me, isn't even the head on the proverbial boa constrictor that's strangling my nation. Actually, there are even a small number of President Obama's propositions that I'm all for and would back him on all the way as my president. He and the rest of the snake just gotta quit trying to turn my country inside out first....

Jimmy, your senseless finger-pointing did nothing other than distract the uninformed general public, feed the mass media monster, and fuel the fire lit under the asses of the genuinely concerned citizens of this country. You call me racist. I call you part of the problem. Now take your EWP and get the hell outta my site and ear...

I (heart) NYers!

A couple of New York hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

Heads up!

As my days in this office end their end, there's something y'all should know. I've no internet at home. So on days I don't come into town, where my aircard works, there will be no dose. Sad huh... I promise to make time for our fun on days that I can, and it won't be long before I'm back to the grind somewhere!

Minion count milestone!

There are now 450 Minions on the text list!

Also, my infamous father has joined us on the blog! I'm encouraging him to begin converting the entire staff of the VA Hospital / Waco. Welcome Dad!

The bitter end: #3 Bold ain't bulletproof

I stepped into the office this mornin' with an optimistic mind today. Was gonna get some real work done and be one step closer to out the door to whatever's next for me. Then I had to go into the clinic...

I needed a couple things outta one of my treatment rooms. I round the corner into my hallway to a couple new faces, my replacements. Didn't know it at the time, but by the time I made it into my room, I had it figured out. Everything of mine is laid in the floor and what was my space was fast filling with equipment from the outsource company brought in to do the job I just lost.

Ballsy huh? Bringing in the new before the old is gone... I spent the rest of my mornin' in my truck smoking cigarettes, trying to decide whether I could remain calm thru the rest of my obligations to my contract. It's this kind of cut throat, careless, heartless, holier than thou means of doing business that leads to "goin' postal".

I'd be lyin' if I said my mind hasn't rolled all kinds of wicked ideas around in the last three days. Lucky for those involved, I have a great support base and I'm realitively stable upstairs. I'd like nothing more right now than to show them that had it been a lesser person they fucked with, that their decisions/actions would/could have carried much heavier consequences.

The human lightning rod

I watched an interview this morning with a fella that's been struck by lightning four times! Needless to say the guy was a bit "special". No, wait, he was a walking talking bobblehead doll with a drooling issue. Now they said the first three times were by the age of 16... Where were the parents? If it were my kid, after strike two it's no longer a fluke, and I'd keep his electrically charged waterhead in the damn house less there's not a cloud in the sky!

And the EWP Award goes to...

Kanye West

Let's give it up for him folks! He definately gets us started with a *BANG*... Pun intended.

For those of you that have missed it, Mr. West here is outta this world "proud to be black". Pride is one thing, but when you pull a public stunt that gets Beyonce Knowles goin', "What's this nigga doin'?" on camera, it's a whole other thing. Anyone see his most recent stunt on MTV's VMAs? The brotha stole the mic from a little ol' country white girl, Taylor Swift, during her thank you speech for Best Female Music Video, to let everyone know, "Beyonce had one of the greatest videos of all time!" I watched the youtube of it prolly ten times and still can't believe this fucker... Poor Taylor... Her ass just stood there in shock forever, like she had just seen her dog run the hell over. I remember him doing something similar to Michael Myers not too long ago... Someone should put a shock collar on this asshole, so everytime he gets near a microphone, *ZAP*. Some will say, "Then how will he record more music?" I gotta tell ya, my ears wouldn't give a damn...

So here you go Kanye, your award for being this week's Biggest Head with a Terrible $1000 Haircut

New to the Dose(Blog only). Check it

If you haven't noticed, I have a serious problem with wanting to pipebomb certain people. So much so that several minions have asked if I've made one, or even used one. Well the answer is sadly no. Well that ends today, metaphorically of course.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to present to you:

EyeReckn's Weekly Pipebomb Award!

As an avid follower of current events and news, I will hand pick one public figure or group to receive this honor each week. I will take any and all suggestions on who or what is deserving of this award from my followers. The winner will get not only the award, but a royal word thrashing for all to enjoy!

WooHoo!

Pipebomb Label

The question is:

If you were to label a pipebomb with a single thought or phrase for the "victim", what would it say?

"I hope this finds you busy with your life, or at least interrupts something terribly important. I would hate to think I went to all this trouble to simply blow your mind..." - Jed

"See you in Hell bitch!"- Cameron

"If you hold this to your ear, you can hear the good part" - Laney

"Bet you can't re-gift this" - Alan

"Warning - Contents may be HOT!" - Shannon

"Shit your pants - NOW!" - Becky

"This is me being a psycho bitch" - Mandy

"Warning - Bloating may occur" - Fletcher

"Pansy ass mommas boy" - Deitra

"You should've been a better person asshole" - Dean

"Shove this up your ass sideways" - CJ

"No need to thank me. This is a great gift for us both. It will put you outta our misery" - David

"If you hurry, you can get just far nuff away to bleed out slowly, rather than just the big boom" - Nate

"Boom" - Heather

"I'm really doing you a favor here" - Chris

"Could you mail this back when you are done?" - Kirk

"The ultimate painkiller" - Robin

"Just think, somewhere there will be a waterhead that goes, 'Look at the pretty lights" - Nick

"Running will just have you die tired" - Clint

"We drew straws for who got this, remember?" - Ben

"I won't expect this back, just like the rest of my shit you have" - Kim

"Start clickin' your heels. There's no place like home" - Hanna

"There's no beer in Hell" - Brad

"Muah! Kiss your ass goodbye... Sincerely, Erica" - Erica

"Told you I'd show you crazy muthafucka" - Crystal

T-shirts ordered!

It took longer than I had expected, but I've got the order together and submitted. I should have them in my hands sometime next week.

Thanks to everyone that ordered a shirt. Those that were interested, but we couldn't get together for one reason or another, sorry I'm not in a position to spot anyone. If you missed out this round, I can order more anytime so long as we have 12 to an order.

The bitter end: #2 Guilty dog syndrome

I've walked in and out of my office and lab, thru the clinic and to the front a number of times today. You can see in the faces of the general staff that they know something is wrong, but don't really know what. I've only crossed paths with one partner today and you could smell the fear and taste the tention in the clinic. The other two must be avoiding me like the black dead, cuz normally I would catch them in passing many times throughout the day. Can't say I blame the one. He is the one that when things started changing and power shifted, made a point to come tell me "how much he and the others wanted me to stay", and "how appreciated I was around the office". I feel like he was honest in those thoughts then, but was then railroaded by the other two into this ultimately ugly end to our relationship. Even in the meeting last week, when they announced their decision, he wouldn't look at me. Does that make him better or worse than the rest? Only time will tell, but for now, they can all continue to look away as I pass. There is a sick and twisted feeling of justice and self worth that runs up my spine to see the guilty dogs cowering into whatever paperwork or conversation they can find to hide their eyes from mine.

The bitter end: #1 Let the games begin

Some know, most don't, but my medical practice was officially terminated last Friday. My clinic has been under new ownership for about the last month, and the new partners have decided their best business move was to no longer continue to provide in house pedorthic treatment. "Nothing personal", they told me, as I was handed my contract release papers.

Feels personal. Feels like I was viewed as part of the old guard around here, and in that, some kind of threat to their new found riches. I feel as if I could never trust anyone that my only ties are business relations. I see more clearly the rational of those people who, in times past, have walked thru the offices of their would be betrayers with automatic weapons, as if that somehow levels the injustice they've recently been served. That's not my style or form of justice though. No, I'd much rather uphold my end of the deal by taking care of my patients and their needs until the closure date, Oct 9th. From that date, I will have fulfilled my end of my contract.

Later, when these corporate scumbags try to stiff this seemingly simple country boy they don't respect, I will have my justice served at the end of a courtroom gavel. I fully expect these people to try to wiggle out of any and all moneys due to me, and I am already preparing for such. I will have my proverbial pipebombs at the ready, to strategically place up each of their arrogant asses.

Stay tuned for more, as I'm sure this isn't the end, just the beginning of it...

POV #2: Get outta my bubble!

Anyone else have that person at work, in your extended family, or down the friend line that feels they must invade your space, inorder for you to pay attention...? I find it's always the one person you'd just assume not converse with anyway...

The one that hasn't had a decent bath since he fell in the creek bed back in Nam.

The hillbilly deluxe with yellow teeth that you can't stop staring at the tabacco chunk spackling.

The creepy little short woman that you can't help but picture her turning orange, and bobbing up and down while singing, "oompa, loompa, do-pu-di-do"...

The overly animated crack junkie that if she makes one more judo chop motion toward you, you're gonna see if her skinny ass fits in the paper shredder!

The two drunk buddies that get ya, one on each shoulder, and begin to talk, not to you, but thru you to the other one...

POV #1: The Yellow Mouth

You've met this person, at least once. You may still associate with one or more of them, and for that you are more kind than I could ever be.

Yes, I made up a term for them, and yes, it's seemingly obvious, but:

Yellow mouth by my definition: a person who's mouth is constantly writing checks their ass can't cash; one whom from over the internet, phone, text, etc is ten foot tall and bulletproof, but face up they couldn't be more gutless, shady, two-faced, or backstabbing; a label for a person that will shake your hand, hug you, and call you "friend", and yet the grapevipe whispers you a different story.

Many folks often confuse this person with the "Drama Queen/King" types, but they are not the same. Drama lovers typically have "Coward" or "Harmless" stamped on their forehead, as to not be in danger of someone handing them their ass on a silver platter should they ever take it too far... The yellow mouth has truly ill/cruel intentions, and they are much harder to spot/catch. Scum of the Earth is the person that will turn the knife they've placed in your back to ensure the bleeding continues long after they are gone. They are a disease that can and will infect your entire social circle if not treated.

Treatment options:

A. Public humiliation among your collective peers. Call them out, face up around a vast majority of your friends.

Expected reaction: Have you ever force fed someone crow? If they won't eat it to mend the wounds they've inflicted, they will tuck tail and run away. Either way, you and yours are cured.

B. The promise and follow thru of physical and mental pain, if they do not right their wrongs.

Expected reaction: This method is particularly painful either way, because, rather than one single serving of crow, they most likely now have several people to go to with the truth. Remembering they're yellow, don't count on ever seeing them again should they choose to tuck tail from this treatment. I know you wanted to trounce them, but oh well, you're cured of them.

C. Last, but certainly not least... The stratigicly placed pipebomb! If you're certain you and yours are better off without this person, and have no intention of trying to change them, blow the fucker up... Whether it be literal or proverbial, I leave to you.

Expected reaction:
Proverbial: You make a mess of them by blowing up on them verbially and/or physically, and they will remove themself from the group. Cured!
Literal: BOOM!

Know where you stand?

To be self-aware is quite liberating really. I've come to know that my belief system, or stances, scare the pants off most people. The woman I had coffee with this mornin', a complete stranger, walked speedily outta Starbucks in just her skibbies, after only a brief visit. So, unless there is great protest from my membership, I think I'll do a series this week - "EyeReckn's POV" I'll take suggestions on what real to life topics to touch on, and get to as many as I can during our shortened workweek.

If I lead, will you follow?

Howdy minions, readers, followers, and lurkers!

Do me a huge favor... If you're stopping by on a regular basis for your dose, become a follower, please! I'd like to know who my addicts are and see who's minds I'm twisting here, rather than just a hit count.

It only takes a minute. Go to the top of the blog page and click "Follow Blog". Simple sign in process that would just make my day!

Thanks,

EyeReckn

Best on Blogspot - Humour

http://bestonblogspot.blogspot.com/search/label/Humour

Attention minions and Daily Dose faithful:
I'm a rather late entry, but "EyeReckn's Daily Dose" is up for Best on Blogspot August/September!!!

So, go check out my competition's blogs, esp Yellowdog Granny (Jackie is a faithful follower of the Dose) and vote!

I'm not gonna tell ya I'm the best, or even the funniest of the lot, but if I don't get least 3rd place (all of 6 votes would take it right now), may you all get one hell of a case of crotch critterz...

More like "Lack of Labor Day"...

Anyone else think this coming Monday's title is somewhat misleading? Not sure bout you, but I have the day off. Hence "Lack of Labor Day"... Wouldn't matter if I wanted to say, do a little labor around the house to make the title credible... Whatever I need is prolly located in a place that ain't fuckin' open! Oh well, I'll let the name slide for sake of a three day bender and dove huntin', or whatever you do with it. Have a great weekend!

Down for the count...

Howdy minions! Miss me? Yeah I missed me too. "They" thought I needed a break and decided to give me 2.5 days of rest via high fever and sinus infection... Anywho, since I'll be slamming 3.5 days of clinic into one day, I'm not sure y'all will be getting a real Dose. We shall see. Mother Nature is whoopin' our ass in Cen-Tex, and the typical elderly don't do rain. So, my day my clear itself!

The drunk dial

Mine: Exactly how many Jack & Cokes does it take to propostion a perfect stranger from 110miles away?

It's bout 2:30am this last Sunday, I'm driving home from a day trip to a concert. When my cellphone rings at this time of nite, it's either someone in the hospital, the jail, or it's the infamous drunk dial. Caller ID says it's my friend Erica, the Daily Dose's unofficial secretary, only it's not Erica on the phone. It's her friend Victoria, a perfect stranger. Now Victoria has a problem, and Erica has evidently told her I could cure her and to give me a call. Victoria needs to get laid...and I can understand the problem, but why by the guy that lives nearly two hours away, I've not a clue. Do yourself a favor. Never try to explain to a drunken stranger exactly how far away you are from her you are when that's what they want from you...it just doesn't register. They will say things like, "Can I just talk to you til you get here?" or "Can you track this phone, cuz I'm no good with directions?" So I try to just hang up on her. You know, bad service, "$!#$% I can't hear you #$%#" and hang up. She calls back and calls me out on hanging up on her... Well sumbitch!... I entertain her for a few more minutes, tell her to call me back in 30-45mins and I'll tell her how close I am, and that was that... From the condition Victoria was in, not to mention Erica hollerin' in the background, they were out cold shortly after I got off the phone.

Mel: Is that me?

I'd been out drinkin' like a fish one night. Next mornin', I'm sitting around the breakfast table with Steve, who keeps playing back a voicemail he'd received the night before. I couldn't make out what the girl was saying, but it was loud! I asked him who left it. Apparently it was me from the night before calling him from like 5 feet away, asking where he'd run off too...

Erica: This is no request Mr. DJ!

Last weekend, I evidently called into the request line to The Ranch radio station, and made plans with the night DJ to run off to Mexico. He put our conversation on the radio! I'm f'in famous!

Shannon: "I don't even know this man!"

Got a latenight call from an ex at a bar. He wanted me to come up there and talk. He really missed me, blah blah blah... I told him, "No", but now I have Jim, the bar owner/manager, on the phone asking if I'm coming to pay this guy's remaining tab. "Hell no. I don't even know this man..." lol

Dean: "My emergency? I just want to change my service plan"

I once called 911 rather than 611 while hammered. Don't recall what I needed from AT&T, but it damn sure was no emergency...

Amanda: "Hunny, have you seen my...."

I got a 2fer!!! So after a good night of drinking which included my friends showing lots of boob and ass (it was her birthday) I somehow lost my phone. The next morning after waking up naked on the bathroom floor and having no idea where my clothes were I asked my very unhappy husband if he had seen them, "oh! And my phone too?" He replied no I don't know where ur phone is but I'm sure it's with ur missing jeans u left in last night. I called and checked my voicemail and could hear hysteical laughing between me and my friends. Apparently my phone was under the seat of my car the whole time and recorded a whole message of laughing, slurred conversation & cussing trying to find my phone. So once I found that, I asked my husband why he was so mad. It's not like he hadn't come home rip roaring drunk and peed in my underwear drawer before. I just lost my clothes! He then explained that he had received a call from a very intoxicated me the night before telling him I lost my phone. When he asked who's phone I was using, I replied, " I don't know! Some dudes!" I don't get to come out of my cage very often anymore...lol